Happy Ending

I've been eaten, so this will be my last post. There will of course be turkey sandwiches, turkey casseroles, and turkey soups for a few days; but the climactic moment, the moment for which I came into existence and for which I have been breathlessly waiting for as long as I have been aware, has come and gone. I have fulfilled my destiny.

I was magnificent.

Here I am being unwrapped.


Here, I've been brushed all over with melted butter. What a delicious sensation!


I blush a little bit to show you this one. Carrots, onions, and bay leaves go - you know - inside.


Here I am ready to go into the oven!


And here I am all golden-brown and ready to carve. I bet my previous owner wishes he hadn't given me away now - but no. No, I have no need to be bitter. Just look at me!


It goes without saying there were mashed potatoes.


And here I am, juicy, carved, on the plate, with mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and black-eyed peas cooked with bacon, onions and collard greens. What a perfect New Year's feast!


From a (formerly) frozen turkey to you: May your 2007 be full and happy, may you always know what you want, and may you never have to wait too long for it.

Thawing, no, really, this time I really mean it!

This isn't quite the way I always pictured it would be.


But I don't care. I'm being thawed! There can be no doubt about it. I'm going to be eaten. I think I'm going to be a New Year's Day dinner!

It's got me to thinking about how easy it is to lose sight of the present by focusing yourself completely on some perhaps unattainable ideal. Will the reality live up to my expectations? I have spent an awfully long time sitting around dreaming about the big dinner - the cranberries - the gravy - oh, the potatoes.

And of course the answer is that it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that it's really finally happening. This is my purpose and I will serve it to the best of my ability. And I'm not sorry, not really, not now, that I've had all this time in the freezer. It's taught me a lot. I'll never look at green beans the same way, that's for sure.

I really hope I'm tasty.

A change?

Something has happened.

It's hard to understand, but must be a good sign, don't you think? This morning my owner took me out of the freezer, and I hoped he was going to start thawing me, but instead he packed me up and put me in the car and drove me across town, where he handed me to someone else. A new owner?

Oh my God. I've been regifted!

Not that I really care. After all, any owner has got to be more likely to eat me than the one I've had so far.

The new freezer is the same size as the old one, but with a lot more ice trays. They're empty. Also there are some frozen vegetables and - ooooooooh - potatoes.

I have fairly strong feelings about potatoes.

Two more days until Christmas! I think I'm finally going to be eaten! I'm so excited!

Just for a change

Today I got eaten.

Psych!!!

Just eight more days till Christmas, though! If I don't get eaten then, maybe I'll take up knitting.

Travesty

It's just wrong that I haven't been eaten yet, don't you think? Look at me: I'm plump! I'm juicy! I'm tender! I'm positively scrumptious!

Well, maybe Christmas 2006 will be the Big Day. I'm so ready. I hope the cranberry sauce isn't that canned crap, that's all I have to say. I deserve better.

Sometimes a frozen turkey is just a frozen turkey

Today a reader asked me, "Is your blog just a metaphor for being stuck in a pointless, meaningless, dead-end job with no hope, no possible end in sight?"

No.

Musings

Perhaps I should view this as an important lesson about the nature of existence: trapped in the wrong place, prevented by a random turn of circumstances from fulfilling my destiny.

Perhaps I'm lucky to have such a clear and unquestioned faith in what I was intended for. Many creatures don't have that.

It's important to keep these things in mind. All of us are powerless in one way or another, some more so than others. I am pretty completely so: there's nothing at all I can do, really, to bring about the culmination of all my dreams. Ironically, there are creatures like my owner, or like you, dear reader: gifted with free will and dazzling cognitive abilities, with talent, with beauty, with opposable thumbs: able to mold the world to your desires - only you have no idea what you want.

So take this lesson from a frozen turkey: Find your dream and pursue it, golden creature of freedom and power. And if you really have no idea what you want, you might try slathering yourself with mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. It sure would work for me.