Today I'm feeling really lonely. There's nobody else like me here. I feel forgotten and abandoned. I am the turkey that nobody wants.
Why doesn't anybody want me?
My heart would break, but all I have is giblets.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Exciting day
Today I was not eaten. Hello? Is anybody even out there?
We did have a bit of drama in the freezer, though. Some frozen blueberries spilled out and left purple stains in the ice bucket and you would not believe how upset that made the squash, which didn't matter because the squash got eaten about 10 pm. And what does that tell you?
Anyway, the squash said to the blueberries, "Watch where you're going! You're making a mess!" and the blueberries said, "Up yours, squash, we're going to get munched down on and you're going to be sitting around in here forever!" and the squash was pretty pissed about that, but then you should have seen the expression on the blueberries' faces when the squash got eaten! Oooh! Burn! Freezer burn!!
What - you were expecting sophisticated humor from a frozen turkey?
We did have a bit of drama in the freezer, though. Some frozen blueberries spilled out and left purple stains in the ice bucket and you would not believe how upset that made the squash, which didn't matter because the squash got eaten about 10 pm. And what does that tell you?
Anyway, the squash said to the blueberries, "Watch where you're going! You're making a mess!" and the blueberries said, "Up yours, squash, we're going to get munched down on and you're going to be sitting around in here forever!" and the squash was pretty pissed about that, but then you should have seen the expression on the blueberries' faces when the squash got eaten! Oooh! Burn! Freezer burn!!
What - you were expecting sophisticated humor from a frozen turkey?
Friday, September 8, 2006
Not Labor Day
Well, guess I'd better not be buying any white shoes.
Maybe Thanksgiving is it. Maybe so, who knows? But if not, it's okay. I am here to serve a purpose and it doesn't matter when that purpose is served. My faith has been cemented by these last few months in the freezer. I have this wonderful sense of serenity.
Maybe Thanksgiving is it. Maybe so, who knows? But if not, it's okay. I am here to serve a purpose and it doesn't matter when that purpose is served. My faith has been cemented by these last few months in the freezer. I have this wonderful sense of serenity.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
All the trimmings
Does August even have any holidays that would justify eating a turkey? I don't think it does. But maybe I'm a Labor Day bird.
I don't even like to entertain hopes of being eaten for Thanksgiving, which is getting so close now. But last night I had that dream again.
I don't even like to entertain hopes of being eaten for Thanksgiving, which is getting so close now. But last night I had that dream again.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Defrosting
Today I got poked, seriously jabbed, by a stalactite. Or is it a stalagmite? The ones that hang down, you know. A frigging icicle, okay?
Anyway, the owner put me, and all the other freezer inhabitants, out on the counter for at least 45 minutes while he chipped and chiseled away, getting the freezer defrosted. I have to say, there's a lot more room in here now. But what might the partial thawing have done to me?
Sometimes I'm pained by the sense of just how much younger I'm not getting.
Anyway, the owner put me, and all the other freezer inhabitants, out on the counter for at least 45 minutes while he chipped and chiseled away, getting the freezer defrosted. I have to say, there's a lot more room in here now. But what might the partial thawing have done to me?
Sometimes I'm pained by the sense of just how much younger I'm not getting.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Heat
It's on days like this that you're really glad you live in the freezer.
Didn't get eaten today, by the way.
Didn't get eaten today, by the way.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Hopes
Today there was a lot of activity in the freezer. My owner bought a carton of ice cream AND a frozen pizza.
I should have realized before that anybody who buys that much frozen pizza won't be cooking a turkey anytime soon.
But I am hopeful again. I don't know, I just get so down sometimes, you know? And I lose sight of the fact that we're talking about my destiny here, and my destiny will happen. I don't know when, but I know that it must. Predetermination may have its downside, but you gotta admit, you always know where you stand with it.
Soon.
I should have realized before that anybody who buys that much frozen pizza won't be cooking a turkey anytime soon.
But I am hopeful again. I don't know, I just get so down sometimes, you know? And I lose sight of the fact that we're talking about my destiny here, and my destiny will happen. I don't know when, but I know that it must. Predetermination may have its downside, but you gotta admit, you always know where you stand with it.
Soon.
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