What does a frozen turkey dress as for Halloween?

If the box on top of me is any indication, a frozen pizza.

Thanksgiving is getting so close. I don't dare to hope, but I can't help wondering. All I can think about is mashed potatoes. Do you ever have days like that?

A delicious recipe for me!

From FoodNetwork.com, here is a delicious recipe for Good Eats Roast Turkey - that's me!

1 (14 to 16 pound) frozen young turkey
For the brine:
1 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1 gallon vegetable stock
1 tablespoon black peppercorns
1/2 tablespoon allspice berries
1/2 tablespoon candied ginger
1 gallon iced water
For the aromatics:
1 red apple, sliced
1/2 onion, sliced
1 cinnamon stick
1 cup water
4 sprigs rosemary
6 leaves sage
Canola oil
Combine all brine ingredients, except ice water, in a stockpot, and bring to a boil. Stir to dissolve solids, then remove from heat, cool to room temperature, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled.
Early on the day of cooking, (or late the night before) combine the brine and ice water in a clean 5-gallon bucket. Place thawed turkey breast side down in brine, cover, and refrigerate or set in cool area (like a basement) for 6 hours. Turn turkey over once, half way through brining.

A few minutes before roasting, heat oven to 500 degrees. Combine the apple, onion, cinnamon stick, and cup of water in a microwave safe dish and microwave on high for 5 minutes.

Remove bird from brine and rinse inside and out with cold water. Discard brine.

Place bird on roasting rack inside wide, low pan and pat dry with paper towels. Add steeped aromatics to cavity along with rosemary and sage. Tuck back wings and coat whole bird liberally with canola (or other neutral) oil.

Roast on lowest level of the oven at 500 degrees F. for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and cover breast with double layer of aluminum foil, insert probe thermometer into thickest part of the breast and return to oven, reducing temperature to 350 degrees F. Set thermometer alarm (if available) to 161 degrees. A 14 to 16 pound bird should require a total of 2 to 2 1/2 hours of roasting. Let turkey rest, loosely covered for 15 minutes before carving.

Oh, please, please, serve with lots of mashed potatoes and gravy and stuffing and sweet potatoes and jellied cranberry sauce and just anything else that suits your fancy. Aren't you hungry? Aren't you??

I'm lonely.

Today I'm feeling really lonely. There's nobody else like me here. I feel forgotten and abandoned. I am the turkey that nobody wants.

Why doesn't anybody want me?

My heart would break, but all I have is giblets.

Exciting day

Today I was not eaten. Hello? Is anybody even out there?

We did have a bit of drama in the freezer, though. Some frozen blueberries spilled out and left purple stains in the ice bucket and you would not believe how upset that made the squash, which didn't matter because the squash got eaten about 10 pm. And what does that tell you?

Anyway, the squash said to the blueberries, "Watch where you're going! You're making a mess!" and the blueberries said, "Up yours, squash, we're going to get munched down on and you're going to be sitting around in here forever!" and the squash was pretty pissed about that, but then you should have seen the expression on the blueberries' faces when the squash got eaten! Oooh! Burn! Freezer burn!!

What - you were expecting sophisticated humor from a frozen turkey?

Not Labor Day

Well, guess I'd better not be buying any white shoes.

Maybe Thanksgiving is it. Maybe so, who knows? But if not, it's okay. I am here to serve a purpose and it doesn't matter when that purpose is served. My faith has been cemented by these last few months in the freezer. I have this wonderful sense of serenity.

All the trimmings

Does August even have any holidays that would justify eating a turkey? I don't think it does. But maybe I'm a Labor Day bird.

I don't even like to entertain hopes of being eaten for Thanksgiving, which is getting so close now. But last night I had that dream again.

Defrosting

Today I got poked, seriously jabbed, by a stalactite. Or is it a stalagmite? The ones that hang down, you know. A frigging icicle, okay?

Anyway, the owner put me, and all the other freezer inhabitants, out on the counter for at least 45 minutes while he chipped and chiseled away, getting the freezer defrosted. I have to say, there's a lot more room in here now. But what might the partial thawing have done to me?

Sometimes I'm pained by the sense of just how much younger I'm not getting.